Hi Everyone, My name is Becky and I run a small business called So Hooked On These Threads.
I wanted to share with you my latest creation, and to get a bit personal. Pictured above is my cardigan and bag set, but I can tell you that there is definitely more to that cardigan than yarn and stitches! That cardigan alongside all the other products I have made so far this year have been my lifelines!
My business has been ticking along slowly the past year or so, I haven’t thrown myself out there as much due to lack of confidence and sometimes just pure excuses, I suppose subconsciously I thought you cannot fail something you never did?
Well this year has changed everything, it has not only changed my views about my business but also about myself.
When COVID lockdown happened, I took on the approach that I was going to use this time to set some well needed boundaries. Boundaries with friends, with myself and with external everyday pressures. I thought all of this was positive but in actual fact, the boundaries I was setting were circumstantial, superficial and weak. I conned myself into believing I was being strong when in actual fact I was hiding from the world in a place where there were no demands to actually challenge my strength.
Then at the beginning of this year my whole world started crumbling, and it is only now I can reflect back on my naivety to what I thought was strength.
My dad had been poorly before Christmas, no chest issues at the time, just generally ill. He progressively got worse and ended up going into hospital with stomach pains. He tested positive for Covid and was sent home to isolate and recuperate. Unfortunately he was taken back to hospital by ambulance about a week later, his oxygen had dropped right down and his temperature was sky high, he was really struggling. Now I’m not sure how many people reading this have had first hand experience of a loved one being hospitalised with Covid, but let me tell you for me it was a rollercoaster of hell. I will try keep this short but informative otherwise you will be reading for hours!
My dad was on a respiratory ward, but he wasn’t getting better. He was in fact needing a lot more oxygen as the days went on and ended up being on the maximum amount you can have before needing ventilation. Luckily my dad been put forward for a trial, the HNCF trial. This trial meant that he had a nasal cannula that pumped humidified oxygen at huge capacities constantly. My dad started picking up and we were all elated, he was so grateful to the nurses that were looking after him that he asked me to make some of my products for them to say thank you. We started sending in some of my Rope bags and Angels, an attempt at showing the nurses and staff what a great job they were doing and that they are appreciated. Then I think it had been about a week or so, and some doubt started setting in. My mom expressed concern saying “ I know everyone is saying that everything is fine, but nothings actually changing”. Well it turned out my mom was right to be worried, my dad’s high temperature came back, and he completely deteriorated (this is known as the Covid relapse). This was the point where he needed to go onto a ventilator. He was advised to call his family as he might not wake back up. This has to be one of the most difficult conversations I’ve had in my life. My dads words were “ Becks keep doing what you’re doing, and if anything happens you’re the brains of the family now”. My dad was then ventilated and a day or so after airlifted to Newcastle.
My mental health was at breaking point and it was now time for fight or flight mode to be triggered. It is a very strange and cold experience to have a loved one on a ventilator. I was basically grieving, as I didn’t know If I was ever going to see my dad again. I wanted to scream and fall apart, but…my dad was one of my biggest supporters and I knew that if I stopped crocheting now whilst he was in there, if anything happened to him I would never be able to pick up a hook again, which he would be gutted about. So I put that pain and fear into creativity.
I told myself when my dad was going to wake up I was going to show him everything I had achieved and he was going to see that he had raised a strong woman, and be relieved that I had “carried on doing what I was doing”.
My fears about social media and being laughed at didn’t matter anymore, what could be worse than what I was feeling right now? So as shown below I got busy.
I wanted to share this experience, for anyone who is struggling, you have the strength, you can turn fear into pride.
When life is spiralling, take control of the things you can control. I have been in no way perfect throughout this. I have coped the best that I could and I have learnt so much about myself that I am really proud of. I hope if you are struggling that you can find that strength too!
My dad, I’m so happy to say is now home, he has a lot of damage to his lungs and is currently on oxygen still. He was proud of us all, he was proud that me, my mom and my siblings had kept each other together throughout this nightmare.
My dad defied the odds, he is determined, strong and still fighting!
Luckily he blessed us with his fighting spirit too!